I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
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Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
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I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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