i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
