Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
