i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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