My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
