TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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