I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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