i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
