Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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