I wish I could teleport
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
