How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
