I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
