She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He did a backflip because drugs
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
