My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
