It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
