Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
