I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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