you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
