I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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