and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
she peed on how many people?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
