Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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