All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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