I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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