Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
