So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
