if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
