Your mouth is God's brothel.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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