Four minutes until I can fart!
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
