Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
