Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
