How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
