like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
