I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
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She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
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I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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