Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
