____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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