They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
