I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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