I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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