My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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