She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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