I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
