@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
