My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
