Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
