We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Randomize
