Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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