at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
