my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
They have beer where we have blood.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
