Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
