you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
