Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
