Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
