i permit you to call me
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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