I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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