I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
