He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
