I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
