Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize