i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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