It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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