No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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