and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Oh god it's open bar.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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