AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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