My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
