two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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