I'm gonna have a badass scar
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
