I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Randomize
