I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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