He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
