youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
