Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
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It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
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I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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