Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
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got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
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Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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