I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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